First, what are these events for? The goal of these groups as opposed to my regular sex parties is to create some more space within my network that is both for social connection, hanging out and just enjoying each other's company with other nice and friendly guys, of whatever orientation (my mailing list is not exclusively queer men, just men) whilst at the same time giving space for sexual fun and connection. They are for us to get together and have fun with our clothes on, whether that's a drinks evening, doing board / card / party games, having a movie night - whatever it is people want to do - and then later on in the evening it becomes a sexy event where we can take our clothes off and play.

It can be really hard in a place like London to make connections with other guys that doesn't involve just sex, and when all you have is sex that can start to feel pretty dehumanising and isolating all in itself. I know lots of people in my network want the opportunity for more than just physical connection but struggle to make it happen sometimes, and this can lead to us feeling bad about ourselves and the world around us. These events are intended to create a space that you can trust to be fun, friendly, and just as well boundaried and run as the other events I do, but to not be only about sex, and to give you the option to have something that is only non-sexual if you need a bit of that in your life. 

How do they work?

• Everyone still turns up within 15 minutes of the start time. Socials that are inside or outside will still use the arrival policy as my other events, turn up on time or you don't get to come. Getting people to actually turn up on time is one of the great successes of my events, it makes everything happen straight away and eliminates the risk of being the first person hanging around when everyone turns up when they feel like it which feels awkward.
• These are, just like my other groups, no chems. During the sexy time the same set up applies as my sex parties in that poppers, alcohol and viagra are allowed but nothing stronger like GHB, meth, speed or coke (and I know what it looks like when someone has done that). If it's an outside event the same applies, and it also means don't get wasted on alcohol if we're doing something together as that's just as bad in my view.
• The social will begin with a period of time that is strictly clothes on, no undressing or getting sexy. If people are vibing and having a good time and want to kiss and cuddle I see that a big part of the experience as I envisage it (indeed we might have some cuddle puddles to make everyone comfortable!), so it's not me saying no-one can touch or interact physically, just that the start of the party is clothes on and not sexual until sexy time officially begins.
• You can't come to the sexy time unless you've come to the social part. No skipping the main course and going straight for dessert, either you arrive at the start or you don't.
• The non-sexy part will last for about 60-90 minutes depending on what we're doing. For example a movie night would make sense to be non-sexy until the movie is done, if it's a board game until the game is over, if it's a drinks evening then it'll happen more by consensus or at a set time. 
• The minimum amount of non-sexy time is always at least 60 minutes. Then, at a point that is either announced beforehand (i.e. a specific time that you know is the transition point) or when it's clear people are ready to, we move into the sexy time.
• People are welcome to only come to the non-sexy event if they wish and leave before it gets sexy. If you're looking for social events that don't centre around sex (and I know a lot of people do want that as well) then be assured that there'll be a clear division between the social and the sexy part and you'll be able to leave before it changes from one into the other if you want to.
• Once the sexy time starts we'll move the room around a bit to make it easier to play in. The sexy time will not have a boundary around what people can do together sexually: people can wank, suck, kiss, fuck raw, whatever you want to do, we're all grown ups. 
• To make it easier to know who is willing to do what in the sexy time, if you choose to stay you'll be offered the option of a green wristband that you can wear. This says to people "I don't want to fuck or be fucked", please look for and respect that boundary people set for themselves. You are completely free to take off the wristband later on if you get comfortable and want to start doing anal, or put one on if you've had enough anal and don't want any more, just don't put it on/take it off constantly or people will be confused about your boundaries (I'll confront you over this).
• The sexy time is then governed the same as my sex only parties, if you need a refresher on the rules check them on the site before you come. You don't have to stay for sexy time, but if you do then play by the usual rules I have for my sex groups.
• The sexy time will then continue until it's over for us, and as always people arefree to leave whenever they wish. My parties aren't set up to go on all night and at some point I will call things to a close if it's not happening organically, so please don't expect sex to be happening for more than two hours max after the social part finishes (so in total these events will probably run for no more than 4 hours and will be organised during different evenings and daytime slots to make it possible for people to come with their differing schedules).
• I'm going to start with one of these a month and get some feedback on how they work, and all being well likely move to doing them twice a month.
• Finally, because these events depend on people being the nice and friendly guys I want my parties to be comprised of, you are only able to come to a social event if you have been to one of my sex parties before OR if you haven't you will need a short interview with me by zoom. It's unfortunate that I do sometimes have people come to my groups and it turns out they're not a match in terms of their behaviour or what they want from my groups, and I don't want people like that in a social environment that's intended to be relaxed and fun. If you haven't been to an event before then you are able to come, I will just need to have a zoom call with you for about 15 minutes so we can get to know each other and I can see you're someone that I think can socialise with others (you can also use the opportunity to ask any questions or voice concerns you might have about coming). If you've attended another group and shown you're the nice and friendly guy then you're automatically welcome to attend socials, but of course there's no expectation or pressure for you to if you don't want to.

So that's it for the indoor ones, outside socials are for us to organise things like cinema trips, dinner outings, picnics in a park, going to clubs or bars together - it's to help build a network of people you'd want to hang out with in your own time. There's nothing stopping us doing something sexy afterwards (saunas, cruising grounds and sex clubs are always there for that if people are in the mood for it!)

If done right, these events will create a space that is fun, joyful, emotionally healthy and allows people to be free and express themselves sexually as well, something that it can be a lot easier for queer men to do and is part of the special experience we are able to have with one another. At the same time, having the view that sex musn't be mixed with socialising in any way seems like a missed opportunity, because we're capable of having both together; my existing groups are proof of that, they just have the sex first and socialising second.

What now? How do you get involved? If you're signing up and want to come to these events (maybe even feel comfortable with the idea of starting here rather than a sex only event) then tick the box. Remember that I will have to have a zoom interview to accept you into the socials if I haven't met you and you will have to be okay with that, assuming you are admitted to the network I will then arrange to set up a call with you. Alternatively you can not select the box, come to a regular sex group and afterwards say you want to be added to the social list and I can do so.